A Brief Loving Introduction to BDSM Dating

July 10, 2017

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Online dating sites cover various niches, and bdsm dating sites are no exception. Let’s make a retrospective journey into the definition of BDSM and everything related to it. 

In the popular child's game called «Trust Me», one person stands behind the other, who falls backward and trusts the other to catch them before falling to the floor. Hence, the game has an element of danger, the risk of not getting caught and falling. If the falling person trusts the catcher and the latter manages to perform his task, both people experience a splendidly invigorating moment that is rather difficult to match.

BDSM Is All about Trust

Contrary to the widespread myth, which says that BDSM is strange and abusive, the reality is that BDSM is all about trust. When it helps to mitigate the risk of being injured or harmed in any way, the outcome is likely to bring an incredibly uplifting feeling for both people that is both erotic and intimate.

There are many names for BDSM: power-play or domination-submission (D/S), as one of the partners has at least nominal control over the other person; sadomasochism (SM), which involves intense sensation; and bondage and discipline (BD), which involves one partner restraining the other. However, the modern term is BDSM. 

While it is true that many people perceive BDSM to be perverted, dehumanizing or even worse, its supporters believe it to be the most loving and nurturing form of human contact known to mankind. Generally, people can have sex without discussion, negotiation or even any emotional connection at all. That is something rather impossible for BDSM partners, who usually communicate with each other in advance to arrange each of the partner’s tasks and duties. This creates a special intimate connection between the two people. 

It Is Simply a Different Way to Play

Factual evidence indicates that the overwhelming majority of BDSM enthusiasts are rather normal and healthy in most ways. The most important thing that is different about them is that they find traditional sex boring and unfulfilling. They want sex to be more intense and intimate. Before anybody denounces BDSM dating, people need to remember that only a few decades ago even oral sex and homosexuality were still considered perverted. 

Statistics based on surveys of American adults show that between 2% and 3% (close to 5 million individuals in absolute terms) of them engage in BDSM sex at least every once in a while. At the same time, some 20% of people admit some sexual excitement from BDSM-related photographs or stories. Moreover, most major metropolitan areas across the United States have at least one BDSM club and/or private group.

BDSM Is Never Abusive

If you tend to be brushed off by BDSM, don’t engage in it. However, the BDSM symbolism penetrates our modern society more and more. Henry Kissinger’s statement about power as “the ultimate aphrodisiac” is well known. Monarchs and states have fought for centuries to dominate and conquer others. The capitalist doctrine implies a highly competitive world where success is largely similar to exerting control. Just as in sports, athletes compete to get better and humiliate their opponents.

Nevertheless, those individuals who are excited by pain are usually perfectly normal in every other way. Just as in sports, when players make successful plays or win games, their teammates often slap their butts or punch them to show their affection and appreciation.

It could be argued that BDSM is more theatrical than it is authentic. BDSM sessions are mostly referred to as “scenes”, and partners usually practice their actions prior to engaging in a scene. First of all, partners agree on a “safe” word, which is a stop signal that the submissive partner may use at any time. Probably the most frequently used safe word is “red light”. Words like “stop”, “don’t” or “no” shouldn’t be used as safe words for the obvious reason that both of the partners actually enjoy when the submissive person begs to “stop” while fully knowing that they won’t. Those tops who don’t respect pre-negotiated safe words and, therefore, violates the other person’s trust and destroys the relationship between the two partners. Such people are subsequently excluded from the BDSM community. 

Learn the Ropes

If eventually, you come to the idea that you would like to try BDSM, it is important to get prompt instruction beforehand. Nowadays there are many different ways to find BDSM-related instructions – one may read a book, take a lesson or visit one of the hundreds of BDSM dating sites or clubs. One of the first things you need to outline is whether you are more inclined towards S&M or B&D. If you prefer S&M, then spanking is one of the commonly used approaches. Conversely, if you are interested in B&D, then blindfolding the submissive partner may turn out to be very entertaining. It is important to negotiate all possible aspects of your forthcoming BDSM scene with your partner. 

The expansion of online dating industry leads to an inevitable growth of its BDSM segment. Today, there are thousands of BDSM dating sites, which make it incredibly easy to find potential partners who are also interested in BDSM scenes. The best BDSM dating sites typically offer an abundance of exciting features that enable effortless dating among like-minded individuals. Our dedicated team of industry professionals researches thousands of dating websites operating today in order to provide you with a selection of the best BDSM dating sites, which allows you to make an informed decision about which one caters to your particular tastes and preferences.